what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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