if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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