paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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