i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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