Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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