my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He kissed a someone with a penis
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
