Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
