Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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