I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
did i walk over a car last night?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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