Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
