i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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