I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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