I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
