What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My apartment stinks of burning failure
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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