I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
