Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
