Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
