maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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