Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
