i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
false alarm. still invincible.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
