My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
