$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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