yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
