we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
