I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
