She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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