FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
