awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
