And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
