I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
