I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
