My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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