im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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