how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
