Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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