He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
