i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
