Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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