have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
