I seem to have left my pride at pride
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
