Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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