and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
