dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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