you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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