I wish my penis had an off switch
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
