so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
