Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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