so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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