I'm lost and stupid without you.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
