The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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