For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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